This week I was sitting on the phone with tech support, and over and over again, I thought of things I could have done while I sat there — waiting — not living my life.
Are you “on hold” in your life?
Are you waiting for a spouse to come along, or for him/her to act better towards you? Are you waiting on the motivation to get your home organized? Are you waiting on a great job to fall into your lap? Are you waiting on winning the lottery to plan your retirement?
Stop waiting on your life! The only difference between you and the people who are getting what they want, is that they kept moving and you didn’t. Here are some ideas to help get you started again.
Focus on the who, not the what.
If you find that you’ve been stuck in a goal for a while, try restating it in “who am I” terms instead of “what I want” terms. For example, instead of saying “I want to lose 30 lbs.”, say “I am someone who takes care of herself by keeping my weight around XXX which is a healthy range for my height and age.” Be as specific as possible. Notice that “I want to be someone who helps others” could mean anything from a clerk in the grocery store to a heart surgeon. Focus on who you want to be. Then ask yourself what actions would be fit with your desire “to be” instead of “get”.
Did you know that a full 80% of your problems come from 20% of your life? It’s true! Determine what that 20% is that’s affecting so much of your life, and start working to make it happier, more efficient, more satisfying.
A big mistake I see in my coaching clients is not assigning a true value to your time, to your energy, to your money, and to the “real estate” (space) of your home or office. Realize that for each thing you say Yes to — from a pair of shoes to watching a movie — you have said No to something else. Always ask yourself – is this valuable enough to me to crowd my life with, or even to bump something else from my closet, my schedule, my money?
I know you have “pizza night”– so why not “bills night” or “clean your room night” as well? Like the pizza night, routines show up in all kinds of ways in your life. While they sound boring and confining, routines are actually freeing. The same way you don’t have to think about dinner on pizza night, instead of being worried and anxious on Monday morning wondering if you remembered to pay the car insurance, you’ll feel calm knowing that you always go to the bank on Friday afternoon and pay bills on Wed. evening. Routines take the stress out.
We’ve all heard about deniability from political spin doctors. I’d like to introduce the concept of ‘controlability’ in your daily life. You can’t control world politics, but you can vote. You can’t control terrorism, but you can be prepared in your own home. You can’t control the construction crews on the freeway, but you can control how much time you allot for a trip. Knowing what you can control and exercising that, and letting go of what you can’t, puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.
Feeling good about yourself will come naturally when you stop waiting and start creating the life you really want to live. Stress and frustration will be reduced as you make choices instead of being pushed around. You’ll experience a higher sense of self acceptance, and the self improvement will become easier and easier.